Have you ever been so upset that you acted out and ‘went off’ on someone because you were inconvenienced or upset?
Maybe the line was too long at the movie theater, or your order was messed up at the restaurant, or the cashier was taking too long at the supermarket, or you were double charged for an item, or another driver cut you off and you ended up missing the light. Maybe the drive-thru McDonald’s attendant forgot to put your fries in the bag and you didn’t realize it until you got home, or the teachers sent ANOTHER busy work project home and they know good and well Little John-John couldn’t do it on his own…
The list can go on and on. Pretty soon I’d share something that sounds familiar to you. Something that would resonate with your lived experiences. Inconvenience happens. But how do we deal? We have lots of reasons that we justify how someone deserves our ire. We need to tell them a thing or two. In our righteous indignation, we can prove that our unfruitful behaviors are justified…that our toxicity is warranted.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Matthew 12:4
I recall instances when my fruit was pretty smelly and my emotions and my words did not line up with my faith. There was a time when my oldest daughter was in the primary grades.I loved her primary school experience. She attended a school full of nurturing educators who were genuine and caring.The teachers were singing around the pianos, and doing cutesy projects every week. My kiddo was an amazing artist and she thrived in this environment. All was going well. Until.
See, there was this family tree project. My little lovely did her own project and it was quite well done for a 7 year-old. We followed the rubric and we went to Michael’s craft store to get stickers, pipe cleaners and other adornments for her family tree. She was in love with her tree and proud of her creation. She spent time phoning her grandparents to help identify the names of great aunts and uncles. Wonderful learning experiences were taking place with the creation of this project.
The teacher hosted an afternoon viewing so that all of the parents could do a walk-through and view the class projects. The excitement of the children hummed through the classroom. Parents and children munched on snacks and walked around the class exclaiming at everyone’s family tree. As I started my tour and checked out the 2nd-grade output, my stomach dropped. I could immediately see that this was really a parent project and not a kid project. The bells and whistles of these trees were incredible. Some of these trees were so intricately designed that it looked like an arborist had created them. My little mama had the scrawniest, most emaciated looking tree in comparison and earned a B on her project right there for all to see. All the other professional looking adult constructed trees had As on them. And of course, I saw red.
I asked for a meeting and proceeded to let this teacher have a ‘piece of my mind’. Then I was so incensed, the ‘piece of my mind’ wasn’t enough. I called the principal and gave the principal ‘the business’ about authentic assessment, student output, inequitable grading, and the like. In the snap of a finger, I became THAT parent that all of us educators roll our eyes about when chatting in the break room. With the flip of a switch, my old man reared her ugly head.
The grade was modified, the teacher apologized and moving forward the rubrics were adjusted to stress that the work should be the child’s work, not the parents’. I felt extreme vindication seasoned with a bit of righteous indignation. But then as He does, Holy Spirit came a tapping on my shoulder. In my outrage, I missed an opportunity to show these people Jesus. I stumbled over my flesh instead of walking in love and extending grace. I lost my marbles over 10 points in a 2nd-grade classroom. I missed a chance to walk in supernatural fruitfulness. Tragic. This lesson stays with me today, over twenty years later.
Reflection point John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
In practicing proximity to the Father, we become more like Him. We conform to His nature. We become more loving, more tolerant, and more forgiving. When we find ourselves having flesh outbursts or when our fruit starts rotting on the vine and stinking up our spaces and places…we must immediately get back to the Father’s feet. Apart from Him, we don’t smell so great.
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